Lalalala liar!

Satan's a liar!

Sam Goody says shipment will be in on Tuesday! But we know better! Sam Goody always lies! YOUR PRODUCTS ARE NEVER COMING! We know, we know!
posted by Sarie at 10:07 PM

My Amish friends will have nothing to do with your nasty pole, SINNER. Though, Pearl Jam may be writing a song about it soon. And who shall distribute the song? SAM GOODY, that's who. Evil, evil, evil.
posted by Sarie at 9:59 PM

I hacked my way free from April's bush with a machete. Let me tell you, friends, the going was rough. Turns out, it wasn't really a bush at all. But rather a pole, with some foliage grown up around it. Woo! Was I ever relieved. If my friends thought I was hanging out in the bushes, boy, wouldn't they ever be upset?
posted by Sarie at 9:48 PM

Help, I'm stuck in April's bush! THE END IS NEAR!
posted by Sarie at 9:38 PM

Verily, I tell you, brethren, Sam Goody's evil knoweth no end.

He prowleth about like a lion, seeking whom he may devour. He hath infested the house of Hammond with spiders. He hath sent spies forth from his dairy; His circus overfloweth with clown.

Sheathe thyself in the True Goodness, brethren! Be ye not deceived by mere Goodyness!
posted by Sarie at 6:25 PM

A LOOK BACK AT AN INCIDENT WITH SAM GOODY!!!
It happened on a warm peaceful night in September. It was at a football game between Lucas and Crestview. We needed refreshments, and so we went to the concession stand, where I ordered two conies and a nice refreshing Pepsi.
Well, we got back to the light post near the bleachers were, a location also famous for nearly falling or rolling down the hill on many occasions… as well as a look back at the 80's with Sarah going "do do do do do do do do do do do do" Okay… you would have to be there to understand that.
Well I was enjoying my Pepsi, when April said to me "did you check under the cap?" I said "no" because I didn’t know there would be anything of any importance there. To my surprise, under the cap it said "You have won an 12 oz Pepsi" I thought "AWSOME" Then I saw it… there was a strange breeze in the air, and I happened to turn and look behind me.
To my shock, upon a distant hill on the other side of the road was a herd of cows. I looked back at my Pepsi, and noticed that on the bottle there was a reference to SAM GOODY.

That night, I was in my room when out of the corner of my eye I noticed a shadow upon the wall… it was coming up my stairs. I looked and noticed it was a large brown wolf spider. I naturally freaked out. It vanished behind my curtains, and it managed to find a hiding place. Then, I noticed it again near my desk. I ran down my steps to get something to kill it with. At the time I had no pitchfork or anything so I settled with a fly swatter. I came back up the steps, and my nephew yelled, "WATCH OUT" I looked above me, and like Ethan Hunt from mission impossible, it was coming down from the ceiling on some kind of mysterious wire. I jumped out of the way and it fell to the floor. In the darkness of my carpet, It was practically invisible, and I didn’t know where it went…. The next thing I knew it was on my foot. In fear I smacked it as hard as I could with the weapon, and it lay dead upon my floor.

It has been concluded that Mr. Goody sent one of his Spider Spies to obtain the Pepsi cap. However, thanks to me and my skills, many of his agents never finished their jobs.

posted by Michael at 8:23 PM

There are dark times ahead... that is clear. If those of you are new to the site, or are not familiar with times as of this point, I will explain the situation a little. SAM GOODY IS EVIL... That is no lie. The terror was discovered on a hot treacherous day in June by Sarah, April and Mike. And it should be noted that there is some mystery in our union.
Sarah = S
April = A
Mike = M
Put them together... you get SAM. SAM against SAM GOODY. It was a horrifying discovery that we were marked with the name Sam. And it was later discovered that April was working for Sam Goody the whole time. When we found out, the only thing I could think was...
"Why would April join them? She wanted THE OTHERS SOUNDTRACK just as bad, if not more, than I did. It just doesn't make sense" Then something chimed in the back of my mind.
"If everything made sense, nothing would make sense. Does that make sense? It makes sense to me!"
It is so clear now... she has been sending us messages this whole time. This quote proves that, if things don't make sense in the goody organization... they should make perfect sense.
We were marked with the name Sam, The inside letter(the letter A as in April) proved to be an inside woman… It is now clear why they distracted us with the inflatable Kroger store… April was behind the Kroger store, as well as the old woman inside. Yes… Kroger Ice cream does taste better doesn’t it?

What is it with Ice Cream and the Goody Organization? Ahhh, yes! Ice Cream is made from Milk… Milk comes from cows… and cows are on his side. Yes Cows make the sound Moooooo… Which leads me to another part of evidence… Molly Moo's How could we have been so blind?

posted by Michael at 7:36 PM

The terrible truth has come out. Ms. April Schwan, if that's her real name, formerly an ally of the freedom fighters known as Anti-Goody, has defected to the enemy. There will be no time for tears, friends. For you see, though her treachery tears at our very heart strings, she carries with her knowledge of our inner workings. This knowledge could prove fatal to our cause. She knows our hideouts, our secret plans and thoughts. All operations must be halted. All offices closed. My friends, these days may prove to be our last. We have been betrayed; the lips of the Judas have brushed our own. Prepare for the last battle, friends. For though we march into the arena as one, each shall be crucified alone. Fight the good fight, brethren, Mr. Goody shall not prevail, though all of us may die. Viva la revolution!
posted by Sarie at 4:32 PM

For background, dear readers, I feel I must share a short list of those who are with us, and those who have fallen to the enemy.

First, I shall list the enemy, so that you can know what you're up against. But afterwards, discouraged though you may be, I will list our allies, powerful as they are!

Enemies:
Cows - They send messages with their spinning tails, the bastards. Geo-positioning!
Spiders - They're scary!
Clowns - They're also scary. Plus, masters of disguise.
Asian guy that walks by our car repeatedly AND his friends.
Construction Companies - They make, like, these inflatable Krogers, which keep us from our destination.
Molly Moo's Or Something Ice Cream - They serve Udder Cream which acts as a sedative
Silver Van Man: He all frigs me up when I'm trying to drive and almost gets us killed. YES, it was HIS fault, not mine!

Allies:
The Amish - Though, for all intents and purposes, otherwise useless in the scope of world history, the Amish have proven themselves valuable allies.
The Sad Semi - He was trying to warn us of the Goody takeover before it was too late. But the police force stopped him before he got the chance.

To be continued when I'm less lazy...
posted by Sarie at 8:21 PM

The Following post is composed of differnt parts of an Instant Message Conversation between Myself (mike) and Sarah. This conversation was made on Sunday June 23rd in the year of our lord 2002. NOTE: THIS WAS THE DAY AFTER THE SAM GOODY ORDEAL BEGAN.

----PART 1----
MIKE: SAM GOODIE HAS STRUCK AGAIN
MIKE: lol
SARAH: lol what did the bugger do now?
SARAH: damn his cow spies!
MIKE: we went to this store and dad wanted to get something... they were like, we dont have this now, but we can order it
MIKE: i was like "sam goody"
SARAH: lol
MIKE: i saw the cows again on our way home
MIKE: they were spinning their tails
MIKE: i could tell they were transmitting their messages
SARAH: bastards!

----PART 2----
SARAH: is funny, cdnow seems to have never heard about it.
SARAH: sam goody got there first.
MIKE: interesting
MIKE: put in "others"
SARAH: oo, there it is. $18.97.
MIKE: you see, sam goody knew he couldnt erase it from the memory banks... so he just made it look like it wasnt there if you put the word "the" in the title
MIKE: he knows these things
SARAH: lol, sam goody is very tricky.

----PART 3----
SARAH: Of course, of course. Mr. Goody knew we'd try again. Only Amazon.com remains untouched!
MIKE: yes
MIKE: Amazon... perhaps the Amish, or the sad semi in jail have controle over this network
SARAH: They must. Poor, sad semi.
MIKE: yes... i know... i kind of feel bad for it now
SARAH: Why did we mock him? He was only sad because Sam Goody had taken over the police force.
MIKE: yes
MIKE: i know

----PART 4----
MIKE: i bet if we went there again, they would be gone
SARAH: indeed - probably the whole store would be gone.
MIKE: no wonder the name of the place was so dumb... Polaris Fasion PLACE... they had to think of it before we arived
SARAH: exactly! no time for marketing studies - it only came into existence moments before we pulled in! That's why there weren't any signs. It's also why that little girl stared at us when we walked in the door - she knew.
MIKE: yes
MIKE: she knew everything... she was an operative
MIKE: or perhaps she was trying to tell us
SARAH: evil child! she probably wasn't even a child at all - just a camera!
MIKE: yes
MIKE: that explains why she just stared
SARAH: she recorded our appearance and sent it to the main office.
MIKE: she never made any sound
MIKE: fasinating

----PART 5----
SARAH: Sam Goody must be stopped. But who, outside of us and the semi are against him? We need allies.
MIKE: the Amish are... i think
MIKE: The Amish, and Amazon.com
SARAH: Yes, they hate goody. The operatives that tried to suicide crash on the way to your house were stopped by Amish resisters? Remember he stuck the pole on the ground to stop it?
MIKE: lol.... YES that is it
MIKE: my spy orginizaion could help perhaps
MIKE: MI69N
SARAH: They must - if they're not already...::sigh:: taken by Goody.
MIKE: i will alert them to watch out for goody
MIKE: Sam goody contoles the SGCN
MIKE: Sam Goody Crime Network
SARAH: indeed.

----PART 6----
MIKE: i must go... but i shall return in time... perhaps we can all discuss this tonight... you, april, and myslef
MIKE: in a chat room
MIKE: but we must secure the chat room so Goody cant get in
SARAH: I shall put it in my Goody-proof address book.
MIKE: wonderful
MIKE: i will talk to you later
MIKE: farewell...
SARAH: Farewell. Stay safe - keep near the Amish and way from cows.


posted by Michael at 8:08 PM

The enemy has many spies in his service... Cows, Horses, spiders.
It makes total sense... Spy SPY-Der... We are on to you Sam Goody.

We have made many connections to the Sam Goody organization. He was there, even when we were children. It came to my attention that on some little credit cards we use to play with as children was a card with a peaceful image on it. A beautiful landscape covered with tall dark pine trees, a beautiful sun set, and a glimmering lake. The Logo on the card was of a man with a big smile upon his face, and a hallow above his head. Written in slanted letters was the name GOOD SAM. This was obviously some kind of code name he used back then. (this is just one of many connections made, more will be posted later)
posted by Michael at 7:10 PM

Ahh, Mr. Goody, I admire your sense of irony.

Who could expect such deviousness from a man with the last name "Goody?" How cleverly you deceive the masses! Why, if your name was "Mr. Nice Guy" I might suspect you. I mean, who has the name "Nice Guy?" But Sam Goody. No, I wouldn't suspect that name. It smacks of America and goodness. It makes me crave apple pie.

Yes, Mr. Goody. You are clever and deceptive. But was not Lucifer the most beautiful angel?

Ahh, Mr. Goody. Your beauty was your greatest error. For, light, even a false light like yours, Mr. Goody, bringeth illumination.

I am not blinded by your promises of delivering next Tuesday, oh no. I see the truth. I know that the promises of next Tuesday will never come. I know where I must place my hope. In the internet, Mr. Goody, in the internet, and the Amish, where your devilish tentacles of terror cannot reach!
posted by Sarie at 6:58 PM

The Very word "Evil" has many definitions by our own standards. Though the dictionary defines evil as morally bad; contrary to divine or righteous law; wrong or wicked; sinful or depraved. Possessing injurious nature or qualities; unwholesome; noxious. Characterized by calamity, trouble, or sorrow. Of ill repute. Wicked conduct or disposition as showing depravity or as being destructive of good, something that harms or hurts… so on and so forth. Evil is many things, and if you one could look into the dictionary of this world, under the word Evil, Sam Goody's face would undoubtedly appear. That is, if anyone truly knew what he looked like.
Very little know the truth of what happened on a day that would change the world, as many knew it. Though one could ponder if it could have been prevented if knowledge would come to them before it was too late, before they were caught in the web of the dark man known to them only as Sam Goody. Days upon days passed after their first confrontation with evil, opening their minds more and more to the darkness of Goody's plan, drawing them closer and closer to an end, be it in Goody's favor, or in the favor of their own. One way or another, the passing of an age will come…

posted by Michael at 6:43 PM